For the first time in a while I had the weekend to myself.

 

I had 48 hours of uninterrupted home alone time. I wrote a big list of house and yard jobs I’d been meaning to do and I thought I’d easily get everything done while Spence was at his dads.  I started with a couple of minor jobs then started deep cleaning the house. I went room by room, taking everything from the cupboards, cleaning and organising. I even washed my walls…I didn’t realise how dusty my house was!

 

As I was cleaning, tears started flowing. A mixture of built up tension and old stored emotions and memories.

 

I let them flow out. 

 

They would pass and then I’d yawn for a few minutes while the residue left my body.  These weren’t like normal tears where I’d feel really hooked by the emotions.  It was like looking at the emotions as an observer and I could literally feel them leaving my body. After each cry I felt more clear and an ecstatic undercurrent started pulsing through my body.

 

I carried on like this, cleaning my house and my emotional body at the same time.

 

Anyone who’s in a consistent process of doing self work knows that sometimes healing takes longer then you think it will. It requires persistence and courage.  It requires being open to doing things differently.

 

It requires patience.

 

The thing about doing self work is that it can look a lot like what my house looked like the last 4 days (it took way longer then what I thought it would haha) You pull stuff out and lay it on the floor, you decide what you’d like to keep and what you feel ready to let go of.

 

Some things hurt to look at. 

 

There may be little marks on your walls that you hadn’t noticed until you started looking and some marks that you thought were permanent features but once you actually try to wash them off they wash away easily. You may pull back a gap in the lino and realise its full of lint and dust but there’s also a $2 coin (yessss! I love it when that happens!) and you think about how sometimes life is like that and you’ve just got to search for the gold in it all.

 

As long as you keep moving your house will get cleaner and cleaner.

 

Some areas are quicker to clean then others and that’s ok, it’s just part of the process.

 

From the outside it may look like nothing has been done and depending on where you are in the process it may look like you’ve just gone in there and made a big mess with everything spread out across the floor. When people visit they don’t usually look in your closet and draws, so they may not notice how much work you’ve done. On the surface your house may look the same as what it usually does.

 

But you know it’s not the same. 

 

You know something profound has just taken place. 

 

You’ve cleaned house and it was so worth the effort.